Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own reality, memories, or perceptions. It’s a subtle yet damaging form of abuse that can wreak havoc on your mental health and relationships.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person, to gain power, makes a victim question their reality. It's more common than one might think, and it can happen in any relationship—romantic, familial, or even professional. By manipulating facts and denying the victim’s experience, the gas-lighter slowly chips away at their confidence, making them more dependent on the abuser.
Frequent lying or denial
One of the most obvious signs of gaslighting is frequent lying or denial. Your partner may consistently deny things they’ve said or done, even when you have clear evidence. For example, they might insist they never said something hurtful, despite you recalling the incident vividly. Over time, these denials can make you second-guess your memory and become unsure of what’s real.
Shifting blame
Gas-lighters often refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead shift the blame onto others. If you confront them about their behaviour, they may turn the tables and accuse you of being overly sensitive, irrational, or even the source of the problem. This tactic not only deflects attention from their misconduct but also makes you question your own role in the conflict.
Undermining your confidence
A gaslighting partner will go to great lengths to undermine your self-confidence. They might make demeaning comments disguised as jokes, criticise your abilities, or question your sanity. Statements like “You’re just too emotional” or “You’re imagining things” are common. These comments are designed to make you doubt your judgment and feel insecure, thus increasing your reliance on the gas-lighter.
Isolation from friends and family
Another red flag of gaslighting is isolation. The gas-lighter may attempt to distance you from friends and family to gain more control over you. They might tell you that your loved ones are bad influences or don’t care about you. By isolating you, they make it harder for you to seek advice or support, leaving you more vulnerable to their manipulative tactics.
Making you doubt your perceptions
A key component of gaslighting is making you question your perceptions. Your partner might insist that events didn’t happen the way you remember them or that your feelings about a situation are wrong. This could include anything from denying that a specific conversation took place to minimising your feelings about an argument. This constant questioning erodes your confidence in your own reality.
What to do if you suspect gaslighting
If you think you might be a victim of gaslighting, it’s crucial to seek support. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional about your experiences. Keep a journal of incidents to track patterns of behaviour and validate your feelings. Setting boundaries and seeking professional help can also be invaluable steps in reclaiming your mental health and sense of reality.
Recognising the signs of gaslighting is the first step towards protecting yourself from this insidious form of manipulation. By understanding these red flags, you can take action to safeguard your well-being and maintain healthy, balanced relationships.
